with its army of Sugar-Hyped Zombies
(from Hell)
the Coffee cup sweeps in world Domination.
an ordinary Brew?
i wish that were true...
All Hail the Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino!
the citizens of earth are slaves to an unknown Power,
in bondage to a Caffeinated Delight!
seething masses bow before the Dripping fountain of life.
who could have guessed that one day...
true Ecstasy would be found...
in a green paper cup.
an Idol
to Drink
to Worship!
every morning of every day
unaware, they give their lives in service
to the goddess...
All Hail the Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino!
a Temple on every corner
of every street!
there is no escape from the Rain of Caffeinated Pleasure!
run for your lives!
Beware the hypnotic sway...
the Delicious aroma...
the Smooth Swirl of whipped cream...
All Hail the Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hmm, there was talk of goddesses, but no mention of the siren logo.
The "All hail..." was too repetitive. In fact, you more ro less repeat alot of your ideas, making a good 2/3 repetition.
Hysterical, by the way.
I thought it was a riot, personally. I only wish it was more structured and more....well, poetic. I agree with Fand, remove some ellipses, though the exclamation marks seem well placed, to me.
Fun stuff, yo.
...There are three exclamation points in your title. And eight in your poem. And seven ellipses.
I'm so going to sic Incandescence on you.
(And if you don't know who that is--be afraid. Be very, very, very afraid.)
This was awful. Your use of punctuation is immature, and sapped all life out of what could have, otherwise, been a relatively clever satire. And what was with the capitalization? I understand capitalizing random words; I've read Dickinson, I've dabbled myself. But you're capitalizing both adjectives and nouns, and... yeah. No. Just no.
Please, please, please clean this up. And when (or if) you do, let me know! I'd love to be able to read this and give it the critique it deserves... but right now all the ellipses and exclamation points are setting my teeth on edge.